Have you ever found that one song that describes you perfectly? Well I think I found that song tonight. It’s pretty old and most of you probably haven’t heard it unless you’ve seen Treasure Planet (the animated, steampunk, space adventure based off of Treasure Island from Disney). The song is ‘I’m Still Here’ by John(or Johnny, depending on the site) Rzeznik.
The chorus and bridge go like this:
“And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.
They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
And the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I’ll never believe.”
Haven’t we all wanted a moment to be real and touch things we haven’t felt? Or to hold onto something and feel like we belong? And there’s always those people that want us to change.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of that lately with graduation and choosing college classes and everything. Everyone is telling me what I should do because they think they know best. “Oh don’t go into that field, it’s terrible’. ‘Don’t go to that college for this teeny tiny reason’. There are a lot of times when I just want to hide away in my room and forget about it all by writing or editing pictures. A lot of times that’s what I did and still do. Whenever a subject comes up that I don’t want to talk about I tend to tune out(which really is a bad habit, I know). There’s also that feeling of ‘what if I did that instead of what I’m going to do?’. I think that’s the worst part. I’m not going to do it, but I still want to know what it’s like. I think everyone does that at some point though. We make choices and wonder what life would be like if we had chosen differently.
Feeling like I belong? Well let’s just say, outside of online friends, I have one real good friend. Everywhere I’ve been I’ve always wanted to ‘belong’. If I was just one year older or younger or came from here or did this I would fit in. It honestly doesn’t feel too great when you’re everyone’s friend and but never invited anywhere. You want to hold onto those ‘friends’ and belong even when you realize it’s not going to work out. But you know what? It makes it so much better when you find a group of people that you do get along with. Aside from my best friend, all of my friends are from an online forum and I see some of them once, maybe twice a year if I’m lucky. But they’re the best kind because I know that even after a year of only talking online, we’re still going to freak out when we finally see each other in person and that’s one of the best feelings ever.
As far as the world goes? Who really cares what the world thinks? By the time they settle on a standard it changes, even though they don’t. I don’t want to be constantly changing for someone else. If I’m going to be changing, I want it to be for myself.